An E-mail to BP

We’ve been hearing a lot about the oil spill.

It’s always on the news, in the newspaper.

While a few people are rushing forward to help with the cleanup, even more are rushing forward to help with ideas for the cleanup.

More than 10,000 inventors (ahem: crackpots) have sent suggestions to BP on how to clean up the oil spill.

I’m not the brainiest guy around, but I know how to come up with a good scheme or two. So I sent this e-mail to BP:

“Dear BP,

First off, sorry to hear about the oil spill situation you’ve got going on. I’m not all that angry about it. Accidents happen. You’ll clean it up. Everybody might be carrying on now, but it’ll be all right in the long run.

So, I’m not writing about oil spill solutions. I think we all know how to clean up an oil spill, and you don’t need my help for that. However, you and the rest of the energy industries might be looking for a way to clean up your public image, which is usually more difficult to clean up than an oil spill.

Oil spills are easy. All you need is grit, spit, and a whole lotta Brawny paper towels (Have you seen how absorbent they are? Amazing!)

Public image, not so much. Which is why I’ve come up with an easy 3-part plan:

Step No. 1: Sell all of your oil wells, oil rigs, and oil refineries. And pretty much anything to do with oil and gasoline.

Reason: this will earn you bunches of $$ (nice!).

Step No. 2: With the kaboodles of money you’ve just made, slap solar panels on top of all of your gas stations. In fact, while you’re at it, buy or rent a few solar power plants or wind farms. Las Vegas can do without electricity for a while.

Reason: people love the idea of solar cars, but not cars with solar panels on them. And they’re not going to pay thousands of dollars to have solar panels set up at their home in order to keep it charged. So why not a solar station?

Corollary: and say your stations aren’t getting enough solar energy, that there are too many cloudy days. Well, just ship contained electricity in tanker trucks, much like you do gasoline today.

Step No. 3: Partner with an automaker who is constructing an electric car. An electric car that can now be refueled at BP Solar Stations!

Hedge your bets: by getting the government to sign on to provide subsidies for anybody who buys an electric car (I call this “Cash for Clunkers, Part II”). And you can still sell gas at your stations, too, if you like.

Conclusion: by providing a cheap, clean, safe alternative to oil and gasoline, BP becomes the leader in the global energy industry. And the people will love you for it.

Risks: you’ll be selling off most of your reason for existing, and going with something that is mostly unimagined and untested. A lot of money would be on the line, but the potential profits (and patents) would be astronomical.

Our world today needs revolutionary innovation, and somebody has to lead the way. Care to give it a go?

Respectfully yours,

Joshua H. Nederveld

p.s. if this sounds appealing, I would be modest enough to accept oh, say, 2% of the profits.”

No response yet, but I’m hopeful. These things take time.

In the meantime, I’m sending a lot of paper towels to the Gulf. This is going to take more stamps than I thought.

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